Approach anxiety: the enemy of all free men and the enemy of the game. All men have it, but few conquer and tame it. Approach anxiety is a fear, a phobia, something that cannot be eliminated, but with proper handling and some tweaking of your mindset, can be controlled.
There are many theories and stupid remedies to deal with approach anxiety. Self Hypnosis? Positive thinking? 100's and months of cold approaches? Count to 3 and play question games in your mind? Psychotherapy? Voodoo magic? Come on... There are no quick fixes nor is there any one proven method to handle this enemy of mankind. It is tough to acknowledge but there is actually only one way to overcome approach anxiety. That is to change your frame of thinking and mindset.
Forget everything you ever read and heard. They're all complicated rubbish. Below are the only things you need to know to manage approach anxiety.
1) Approach anxiety is an illusion created by YOU.
Beautiful women don't make you nervous, you make yourself nervous. Women don't on their own release some gamma ray that makes you feel nauseous, dizzy, stressed, and dumbstruck. Your inner collection of fears and phobias makes a negative social frame in your mind that when summed up, makes you jello at the thought of approaching an attractive girl.
2) The amount of anxiety you experience doing anything in life is determined by your understanding of your skill and the difficulty of the task.
Mihayli Csikszentmihalyi coined the term Flow to describe his scientific investigation of "being in state" or "being in the zone." Being in Flow, state, or the zone simply is having the perceived level of skill in an activity equal to the perceived level of challenge. When you get this challenge /skill balance, you experience flow /state, whereas an imbalance in challenge and skill results in a different experience. When skill exceeds challenge, you get bored. When challenge exceeds skill, you get anxiety.
3) To overcome your approach anxiety, you need to change your perception of your skill or your perception of the challenge.
You would be in Flow every time you approached a woman if your perceived ability level matched your perceived challenge level for seducing a woman. If you're experiencing approach anxiety, it is because your perceived challenge level is higher than your perceived skill. So it stands to reason that if you want to get rid of approach anxiety, you need to modify either the perceived challenge level or your perceived ability level.
4) Trying to change your skill level to overcome approach anxiety is a flawed method.
You would think that the easiest part to change in this equation is your perceived skill level. You head out and attempt to increase your skill level by practicing techniques and methods on girl after girl. This is a flawed method to overcome approach anxiety because if you rely on other people's responses to alter your perception of your current ability level then it might work once, twice, or even a few times, however what exactly happens when it doesn't? What happens when some girl doesn't want to speak to you? Then you're right back at square one once again- enormous approach anxiety since you perceive your skill to be less than the perceived challenge level.
5) To overcome approach anxiety, you must alter the perceived difficulty.
The challenge level you face in any activity is determined by the purpose you have for the interaction. If you're experiencing anxiety then it's clear you're trying to do something that is out of your perceived skill range - like trying to make her attracted to you.
However, if you change your purpose to something achievable, then the perceived challenge will drop and so will the anxiety. If you change your purpose to: "just have an interesting conversation" then the perceived challenge will be well within your perceived skill range.
That's all!
All you have to do is change the frame of your mindset from the super stressful "I'm gonna make her attracted to me" to the innocuous "I'm just gonna have a friendly chat with her." This puts no expectation on yourself and therefore no fear of rejection because you're not expecting anything from yourself or the Hot girl.
You'll never overcome the opening phase if you do not overcome approach anxiety. Without the opening, you can't reach the next phase of seduction or the end, right? But again, you can read about theory and how-to's all day long until Sunday but absolutely nothing will happen if you don't go out, apply, and practice! So get out there and have lots of friendly, enjoyable conversations with attractive women...
There are many theories and stupid remedies to deal with approach anxiety. Self Hypnosis? Positive thinking? 100's and months of cold approaches? Count to 3 and play question games in your mind? Psychotherapy? Voodoo magic? Come on... There are no quick fixes nor is there any one proven method to handle this enemy of mankind. It is tough to acknowledge but there is actually only one way to overcome approach anxiety. That is to change your frame of thinking and mindset.
Forget everything you ever read and heard. They're all complicated rubbish. Below are the only things you need to know to manage approach anxiety.
1) Approach anxiety is an illusion created by YOU.
Beautiful women don't make you nervous, you make yourself nervous. Women don't on their own release some gamma ray that makes you feel nauseous, dizzy, stressed, and dumbstruck. Your inner collection of fears and phobias makes a negative social frame in your mind that when summed up, makes you jello at the thought of approaching an attractive girl.
2) The amount of anxiety you experience doing anything in life is determined by your understanding of your skill and the difficulty of the task.
Mihayli Csikszentmihalyi coined the term Flow to describe his scientific investigation of "being in state" or "being in the zone." Being in Flow, state, or the zone simply is having the perceived level of skill in an activity equal to the perceived level of challenge. When you get this challenge /skill balance, you experience flow /state, whereas an imbalance in challenge and skill results in a different experience. When skill exceeds challenge, you get bored. When challenge exceeds skill, you get anxiety.
3) To overcome your approach anxiety, you need to change your perception of your skill or your perception of the challenge.
You would be in Flow every time you approached a woman if your perceived ability level matched your perceived challenge level for seducing a woman. If you're experiencing approach anxiety, it is because your perceived challenge level is higher than your perceived skill. So it stands to reason that if you want to get rid of approach anxiety, you need to modify either the perceived challenge level or your perceived ability level.
4) Trying to change your skill level to overcome approach anxiety is a flawed method.
You would think that the easiest part to change in this equation is your perceived skill level. You head out and attempt to increase your skill level by practicing techniques and methods on girl after girl. This is a flawed method to overcome approach anxiety because if you rely on other people's responses to alter your perception of your current ability level then it might work once, twice, or even a few times, however what exactly happens when it doesn't? What happens when some girl doesn't want to speak to you? Then you're right back at square one once again- enormous approach anxiety since you perceive your skill to be less than the perceived challenge level.
5) To overcome approach anxiety, you must alter the perceived difficulty.
The challenge level you face in any activity is determined by the purpose you have for the interaction. If you're experiencing anxiety then it's clear you're trying to do something that is out of your perceived skill range - like trying to make her attracted to you.
However, if you change your purpose to something achievable, then the perceived challenge will drop and so will the anxiety. If you change your purpose to: "just have an interesting conversation" then the perceived challenge will be well within your perceived skill range.
That's all!
All you have to do is change the frame of your mindset from the super stressful "I'm gonna make her attracted to me" to the innocuous "I'm just gonna have a friendly chat with her." This puts no expectation on yourself and therefore no fear of rejection because you're not expecting anything from yourself or the Hot girl.
You'll never overcome the opening phase if you do not overcome approach anxiety. Without the opening, you can't reach the next phase of seduction or the end, right? But again, you can read about theory and how-to's all day long until Sunday but absolutely nothing will happen if you don't go out, apply, and practice! So get out there and have lots of friendly, enjoyable conversations with attractive women...
About the Author:
For many more awesome tips, tricks, techniques, and secrets on how to be attractive to women, visit: attract women report
0 comments:
Enregistrer un commentaire