After the lust has gone and the reality of the person you've chosen to spend your most precious time with hits you, it is the point in which most of us make a decision to stay or make a break for it. For those of us who decide to stick it out, it suddenly becomes all the more important to do all that is necessary to keep the relationship going strong for the long haul. The fact is, not all of us were taught the fundamentals of what makes a good long-lasting relationship and unfortunately, end up committing many silly and avoidable mistakes. We're all guilty of a mistake or two once in a blue moon, but those whose relationships are bound for break up commit these 10 mistakes consistently.
1. Never saying thank you
It's incredible how powerful these simple two words can be-- thank you. This one is about making sure you don't take each others' presence and what you do within the relationship for granted. Yes, it is his responsibility to take out the trash, but recognizing the fact that he's done it by saying thank you once in a while speaks volumes. Letting her know that you appreciate her doing your laundry or taking care of the kids says that you recognize her efforts and you appreciate her. A thank you expresses acknowledgement, gratitude and appreciation, three ingredients that helps keep resentment at bay.
It's incredible how powerful these simple two words can be-- thank you. This one is about making sure you don't take each others' presence and what you do within the relationship for granted. Yes, it is his responsibility to take out the trash, but recognizing the fact that he's done it by saying thank you once in a while speaks volumes. Letting her know that you appreciate her doing your laundry or taking care of the kids says that you recognize her efforts and you appreciate her. A thank you expresses acknowledgement, gratitude and appreciation, three ingredients that helps keep resentment at bay.
2. Going to sleep mad at each other
This is one of the more popular advice couples will hear, especially before getting hitched. Surprisingly, most won't take heed. The problem with going to bed upset with each other is that you will most undoubtedly wake up the next day feeling exactly the same way you did the night before, almost like you never skipped a beat. You will most likely go through the day with those negative feelings and the longer you feel that way, the more time you allow it to fester on your psyche and heart. It also becomes even more difficult to resolve the issue.
This is one of the more popular advice couples will hear, especially before getting hitched. Surprisingly, most won't take heed. The problem with going to bed upset with each other is that you will most undoubtedly wake up the next day feeling exactly the same way you did the night before, almost like you never skipped a beat. You will most likely go through the day with those negative feelings and the longer you feel that way, the more time you allow it to fester on your psyche and heart. It also becomes even more difficult to resolve the issue.
The problem may not be readily solvable that night, which is perfectly fine. The trick is to acknowledge that two of you need to discuss things further and schedule a time for the immediate next day to have a reasonable conversation about it. Not only will it allow the two of you to sort through your feelings prior to the talk, you create an opportunity to hash things out within a non-combative atmosphere.
3. Confiding in other people
A confidante is someone you can trust, tell your deepest darkest and most secret thoughts to without fear of retribution or judgement. If you're in a committed relationship, there is no one who should hold that place other than your significant other. Confiding in other people and not your partner, whether it be a long time friend, family member or co-worker, can be a sign that you trust them more than you trust the one you're with.
A confidante is someone you can trust, tell your deepest darkest and most secret thoughts to without fear of retribution or judgement. If you're in a committed relationship, there is no one who should hold that place other than your significant other. Confiding in other people and not your partner, whether it be a long time friend, family member or co-worker, can be a sign that you trust them more than you trust the one you're with.
It may not be your intention, perhaps you don't want to burden your partner, or you fear how you may be perceived, but if you can't bare who you really are completely in front of someone you've made a commitment to, your relationship may not stand the test of time. Are there some secrets you should take to the grave? Perhaps, but personal gripes, problems and conversations spoken in private should be and stay between the two of you.
Perhaps your partner hasn't made it easy for you to be open and honest, but that is a testament to the fact that your relationship hasn't developed an atmosphere of honesty and open communication. We all desire an opportunity to be able to share a part of ourselves with someone who will understand and be supportive no matter what. Being able to do that with your partner ensures a lifetime of bonding and trust that is difficult to break.
4. Letting yourself go
It's called the comfort zone and it's where all sex appeal goes to die. After being with someone for a while, we tend to get more comfortable and open. Some of the things we wouldn't dream of doing during the first few months of dating are all of sudden okay. Additionally, according to Weight Watchers, studies show that people who live together, particularly spouses, tend to have similar BMIs. With marriage, the comfort of being in a stable relationship can lead to a reduced commitment to keep that waistline in check. As a result, though the love may be there, the sexual attraction level, especially due to the effects of an unhealthy weight, may decrease substantially.
It's called the comfort zone and it's where all sex appeal goes to die. After being with someone for a while, we tend to get more comfortable and open. Some of the things we wouldn't dream of doing during the first few months of dating are all of sudden okay. Additionally, according to Weight Watchers, studies show that people who live together, particularly spouses, tend to have similar BMIs. With marriage, the comfort of being in a stable relationship can lead to a reduced commitment to keep that waistline in check. As a result, though the love may be there, the sexual attraction level, especially due to the effects of an unhealthy weight, may decrease substantially.
Being healthy and taking care to look your best, in and out of your clothes, helps keep the physical attraction going strong. Not only does it keep your self-esteem high, it helps keep the libido going strong for a greater intimacy in the bedroom. Comfort is great, but it doesn't mean you should stop being the physically attractive person you were the day you met.
5. Stop dating each other
This is perhaps where most couples fail most miserably. Dating is usually looked upon as that stage in courtship when you're just getting to know someone. The folly is assuming that once you're official, you know all there is to know about your partner.
This is perhaps where most couples fail most miserably. Dating is usually looked upon as that stage in courtship when you're just getting to know someone. The folly is assuming that once you're official, you know all there is to know about your partner.
The fact is, we are constantly evolving and changing. With new information and experiences comes new thoughts and ideas. What may have been off limits to your partner at the beginning may suddenly be worth trying out suddenly. Making time to date your spouse ensures that you spend quality time with other, creates a great excuse to look your best, and allows for romantic rendezvous and conversations that keep you updated on the goings on in each others' inner lives. It is the most effective way to keep and stay connected, therefore essential.
6. Comparing your relationships to others
All that glitters isn't gold and not all couples that look happy really are. Millions of couples would rather not be with each other, but stay together for various reasons. For many, the idea of people knowing they're marriage is failing can be too much to handle and they go to great lengths to cover up whatever issues they may be having. That is why it is imperative that you don't compare your relationship to others. Unless you have first hand, intimate knowledge of the inner workings of their relationship, you may be judging your relationship unfairly against a facade.
All that glitters isn't gold and not all couples that look happy really are. Millions of couples would rather not be with each other, but stay together for various reasons. For many, the idea of people knowing they're marriage is failing can be too much to handle and they go to great lengths to cover up whatever issues they may be having. That is why it is imperative that you don't compare your relationship to others. Unless you have first hand, intimate knowledge of the inner workings of their relationship, you may be judging your relationship unfairly against a facade.
No two relationships can be the same, because no two people are the same. The baggage we bring will dictate the success of our own relationships. You have the power to create your own happiness, with your own rules and language so make sure you focus on yours and no one else's.
7. Ignoring warning signs of an issue
We usually assume it's the big things that cause break ups in relationships, but really, it's the little things that can easily get swept under the rug that gets us in the end. At the beginning of a new relationship, we tend to let certain things slide because we want things to work out so badly. Unfortunately, we carry that same pattern of denial or avoidance deep into our relationship, never addressing bad behavior or hoping it will go away just so we don't have to deal with it. These little things however, snowball over time and can literally become too overwhelming to handle on your own.
We usually assume it's the big things that cause break ups in relationships, but really, it's the little things that can easily get swept under the rug that gets us in the end. At the beginning of a new relationship, we tend to let certain things slide because we want things to work out so badly. Unfortunately, we carry that same pattern of denial or avoidance deep into our relationship, never addressing bad behavior or hoping it will go away just so we don't have to deal with it. These little things however, snowball over time and can literally become too overwhelming to handle on your own.
If something is bothering you or stands out in an uncomfortable way, it is pertinent that you do not let it fester. Fear of starting an argument may be a deterrent, but as discussed, your relationship should foster an environment of judgment free openness. If you can't talk about the things that bother you without having to go through an argument, consider that in itself a warning sign.
8. Heeding bad advice
Those who confide in others may fall prey to this relationship mistake. It's important to know who to take advice from. If you're married, talking to your hopelessly single friend about your marital problems may not be the best idea. Even with the best intentions, her perspective will most likely be skewed and flawed due to a lack of experience or even jealousy. That is why you should be speaking only to your partner about potential problems or even the good stuff because it is only the two of you that can make the changes necessary to make things work. A tango with more than two people involved becomes... well... a ho-down.
Those who confide in others may fall prey to this relationship mistake. It's important to know who to take advice from. If you're married, talking to your hopelessly single friend about your marital problems may not be the best idea. Even with the best intentions, her perspective will most likely be skewed and flawed due to a lack of experience or even jealousy. That is why you should be speaking only to your partner about potential problems or even the good stuff because it is only the two of you that can make the changes necessary to make things work. A tango with more than two people involved becomes... well... a ho-down.
9. Not addressing sexual needs and desires
The running joke is that once you get married, sex goes out the window. For many married couples, that is a fact, but the reasons for a decline in intimacy are plentiful. Fatigue, stress and weight gain are some of the most popular reasons. As women, we could be experiencing a number of these issues all at once at any given time, which can definitely affect the libido. For many other couples however, bad or boring sex could very well be the issue. Once familiarity sets in, we have less and less incentive to impress our partners with our sexual skills which creates room for wandering.
The running joke is that once you get married, sex goes out the window. For many married couples, that is a fact, but the reasons for a decline in intimacy are plentiful. Fatigue, stress and weight gain are some of the most popular reasons. As women, we could be experiencing a number of these issues all at once at any given time, which can definitely affect the libido. For many other couples however, bad or boring sex could very well be the issue. Once familiarity sets in, we have less and less incentive to impress our partners with our sexual skills which creates room for wandering.
If your sex life isn't what you want it to be, don't just wish it was better. Do something about it by talking about your fantasies. If they're a little wild, try to introduce those ideas as gently as possible, never in the middle of the act. Intimacy is a physical expression of the love you have for each other and demands a great deal of attention and focus to be a great experience for both partners for years to come.
10. Falling into a monotony
Life can get busy with all of the responsibilities and duties we need to deal with on a daily basis. While routine is necessary for keeping things operating smoothly, it may also be the death of spontaneity. Part of the excitement we feel when we first start dating someone comes from not really knowing what to expect from one date to the next. All of that flies out of the window once we commit, but it's a crucial ingredient to keeping a relationship fun and exciting.
Life can get busy with all of the responsibilities and duties we need to deal with on a daily basis. While routine is necessary for keeping things operating smoothly, it may also be the death of spontaneity. Part of the excitement we feel when we first start dating someone comes from not really knowing what to expect from one date to the next. All of that flies out of the window once we commit, but it's a crucial ingredient to keeping a relationship fun and exciting.
With children, it can be difficult to make last minute plans to something out of the blue. The beauty is, you don't have to shake things completely out of place to get the benefits of random spontaneity within your relationship. Little things make a huge difference. Wearing your hair differently, taking over one of your wife's most annoying chores voluntarily, dropping by for a surprise lunch while at work or slipping in a love note where it will be found are the little things that add up big to help keep things from falling into the trap of boring monotony.
Cultivating a long-lasting happy relationship is a simple matter of being mindful of your partner and your actions as well. It takes work to keep that bond going long and strong, but you can always have fun while in the process of doing it. Avoid these mistakes, and you'll find that you have many more happier days together than bad ones.
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