A primary goal for so many human beings revolves around relationships, companionship of some kind involving romantic love. It's human nature. We are social beings and not meant to exist alone.
Think of the times you have been 'in love'. Isn't it just the most euphoric feeling ever! I've never done any kind of illegal drug (in this society I don't know if I should brag about that or not want to admit it J), but I have experienced some legal drugs while in hospital to manage pain and would think the 'in love' feeling would rival any 'high'. Okay, love can be painful too but that's not the direction of this article so bear with me.
The dictionary defines love as 'an intense feeling of deep affection'. That's pretty general. I don't think there is any one definition of love. I think love is defined by each individual. And when it comes to wanting to attract a mate, the kind of mate you will attract depends on how you define love and live that definition.
Do you define love as what you want from people who love you, or what you have to give as love to another? Do you know who you are on a deep level, especially your purpose, personal standards and boundaries? Do you love yourself first before loving another romantically?
These are all questions to consider in your definition of love. In fact, I think it would be wonderful for a couple getting married if their vows to each other included each of their definitions of love. Of course, this definition should be known to each other well before the ceremony; can't you just picture the couple standing before the altar defining their version of love for the first time. Suddenly a jaw drops, eyes get huge, hands are dropped, he/she says, "Well, that's just not acceptable!" and walks off down the aisle alone. Can't you just picture the looks on the faces of the minister and guests? Sorry, just had to take a 'humor' digression.
Right. Love is 'an intense feeling of deep affection', however we all express love differently. So perhaps it's our expression of love that we need to define. How do you express love?
I'll go first.
I like to use bullet points rather than flowery language (but nothing's wrong with flowery language), so it will be brief on words:
Loyalty, patience for the deeply important things, humor, willingness to compromise, forgiveness, developing a 'sense' for partner's feelings, sharing, freedom, respect partner's boundaries, trust (but if it's broken then it has to be earned back), openness and honesty, taking care of self and continual growth, understanding (no one is perfect), tenderness, keeping my word, dependability, listening, skillful communication. I know there is more, but these are the traits that are at the top for me and in no particular order.
These are things I 'give' as love to a romantic partner and when I look at what I receive from him most of my list is returned.
What you should do:
Romantic love relationships are complex, but to begin with just this simple exercise of defining 'love', what it means to you, can be the beginning of a shift in the kind of person you attract in your quest (your goal) to have a wonderful romantic partner. Spend some time thinking this through.
Your Assignment:
Rather than first making a list of the traits you want in a partner, list what you are willing to give in a relationship; in other words, your definition of 'love'. Now watch things change for you.
Since 2004 Lynn has been coaching women in their mid to later years who, after living the normal roles of daughter, sister, wife, mother, grandmother etc., have reached a place where they ask, "Who am I, really? What is my purpose and what am I here to do as a human being? I sense there is something more for me, a way to contribute, to have a more meaningful life at this stage and to leave a legacy in some way. How do I do that and what is it I'm meant to do?" She is also the creator of the "Goal Compass" and "How to Get What You Want Every Time" Inspirational Goaling programs.
For a free strategy session contact her at lynn@inspirationalgoaling.com or visit her website at http://www.inspirationalgoaling.com Free Ibook available at the website
0 comments:
Enregistrer un commentaire