Relationship Advice - Blending Families With Children From Earlier Relationships

Children from "broken" families can be a force to be reckoned with in a new marriage. To maintain a successful second marriage, some rules and boundaries need to be made by the new parental figures. The situation becomes even more complicated if both spouses bring children into the new relationship, and more complicated still if the couple chooses to conceive biological children of their own. This blending of the family almost never goes off without a hitch. The problems can be big or small, but there will most certainly be a period of adjustment for everyone involved.

A key factor in making a second marriage gel with kids from a previous relationship, is establishing and reinforcing to the children this marriage and partner will be there for the duration. Kids who spend time with a poisonous parent (the biological mother or father from an earlier marriage), will suffer loyalty issues in regards to accepting a new spouse... and possibly future children. While they may feel lost in the shuffle, or feel they no longer matter as much, the "new" parent must present a united front with the child or children's parent, explaining to the children their partner is here to stay, and they must be respected as an adult.

Loyalty conflicts and guilty parenting play a huge role in why second marriages involving children fail.

Here are some other rules to follow:

• never become your child's confidante to complain about your spouse
• require your child to respect your partner
• have family meetings with your children and spouse, and request honesty and respect
• generate house rules and consequences with your partner, and then stick to them
• do not allow your children to guilt you into not parenting them
• be gentle with your children's feelings, but realize they will grow up and move on. Realize you deserve to move on as well.

There are many resources available for parents struggling with blended families. Look for help early in the marriage. Counseling, websites, books, and friends with experience, can be invaluable tools. A blended family can only do well if both the partners are willing to not pick sides. The relationship is important between the partners but also between their children. Don't play favorites or have different rules for each of the children. Fairness is a big part of making sure a blended family works in a healthy way. Otherwise, resentment can build up and cause the family to really fracture.

Do your children make you feel guilty and then you pick sides? If so, maybe you need to ask yourself how important is the element of family to you and your new partner.

For nearly 25 years Beverleigh Piepers has searched for and found the principles to help you get to the root causes of your crisis.

The solution is not in the endless volumes of information you find across the internet, or the advice your friends give... it's in yourself; the thoughts that make you who you are.