Highly Effective Marriage

"Amazingly, recent studies show that marital happiness has little to do with whom you marry and everything to do with how you cope with conflict. By learning and practicing a few simple rules, you can join the 10 percent who enjoy true marital happiness. If you long for intimacy, tenderness, and respect you have to unlock the secrets to keep your spouse madly in love with you." -Nancy Van Pelt

So far I have been reading "Highly Effective Marriage." Like I said before, she is a dear friend of mine. She is a well-known speaker just like Dr. Dobson focus on the family. So many books out there to read about love and relationships. They even have books how to fight right. Whereas, Nancy doesn't even recommend fighting. I think the less you fight the better your relationship. Why fight when you can discuss something like two consenting adults? I support Nancy's point-of-view. Her principles are based from the bible. Since this is not a product review blog I will stop ranting about Nancy's style but instead bring you to enlightenment on what she said on her book.

"Being cared about is something so desperately needed in this depersonalized world that people will crawl across a thousand miles of desert to get it." -Wilbur Sutherland

When me and my husband counseled with Nancy, we didn't know the "Her Needs" and "His Needs" stuff. I thought I knew this all along because I have read so many self-help books. One thing that really surprised me is when she said, "A husband needs to be complimented with his appearance." Huh! Whaaaaa... do you mean by that! Here's what she said:

Her Needs

1. A woman needs frequent demonstration of love and affection.

2. A woman needs emotional security.

3. A woman needs appreciation for her domestic efforts and attractiveness.

4. A woman needs romantic attention.

His Needs

1. A man needs admiration for appearance, abilities, and character traits.

2. A man needs approval and support.

3. A man needs respect.

4. A man needs sexual fulfillment.

While I am most familiar with the woman's need coz I'm a woman myself, I wasn't aware of the fact that my husband needed to be complimented too with his appearance. She said, "You better tell him that you are attracted to him before someone dressed nicely at work starts flirting with him." Well, she didn't exactly say the same word-for-word but you get the idea. And so she gave us homework to do. This is what we had to do for each other. Nancy gave me my own book to read which is "Highly Effective Marriage" and she gave my husband his own book to read. I read the "Her Needs" part. And he read the "His Needs" part. Then we have to spend at least an hour a day discussing what we read and ask questions with each other. I tell you that helped our marriage a lot. Communication. There are some things I didn't know about my husband, although we've been married for nearly 21 years. I still didn't know him fully. We just never outgrow each other.

So for now I'm going to give you these notes and little by little, I will speak more about what I've learned from her books and what I have learned as a wife.