The nature of a marriage depends entirely on the two people who decide to get hitched and take on life by its horns, together. After the heady first days, when passion and ardor cools down and life settles down to a routine, couples find themselves at crossroads very early in their life. It was an arranged marriage, often the doubt creeps in, did I get the right partner? Couple that with the unending waves of advice from relatives and family, and some good natured and some not so good natured interference, young couples do not get any breathing space to work out a friendship. Questions and clarifications go unanswered and ignored. Over time, an uneasy truce develops, with the threat of an explosion at the slightest provocation. But all the above can easily be taken care of if the couples talk. Yes, conversation is important in any relationship. Because no one is a mind reader. Expecting your spouse to help you in your activities is one things, expecting them to read your mind like a book is something else.
Best Advice For Couples
Ironically, the best advice to any person about marriage is the one that is given before marriage "Choose your partner carefully". I cannot stress more on this. Once, my professor, who taught us Electronics, got into a chatty mood and started explaining marriage in his "electrical" terms! He said, "Look, a relationship is like a socket and its plug. Sometimes, there is no compatibility like a 3 pin plug and a 2 pin socket. Sometimes, there is a compromise like a 2 pin plug and a 3 pin socket. But the most dangerous relationship is the one in which the plug is too big and needs a converter to fit in. This is when the problem starts."
Looking back, I now realize that he was right, though we had a good laugh at his expense when we were having this conversation. The plug which is too big can be either the man or the woman in the marriage. And the converter, which acts as a conduit between them can be anything from as mundane as a regular outing with friends to something avoidable like an affair. The converter can keep the two together as long there is no sudden voltage charge. If there is any sudden charge, it will end up damaging both. So in plain terms, there are no winners.
Relationship Converters
So how does this "converter" thing work in a real relationship? Well, as I said, some couples do not have any real idea about their partners- their nature,likes,dislikes,habits etc, even if they had a courtship and a love marriage, claiming to know each other completely. If good sense prevails, they will develop a friendship and love which will sustain their beautiful relationship. If not, they slip into the incompatible phase and it is in this phase they need something( "converter", according to my professor!) to keep them going. Some need to spend time with their friends to come home thinking their stale relationship is somehow made bearable by the good time they spend with their friends. Some need to frequently stay away on official trips, feeling they have escaped a suffocating atmosphere. Some overeat, taking out their frustration, and also deriving satisfaction, from food. Others go on shopping trips, believing retail therapy is the cure for them.
Then there are others who embark on a dangerous journey of self destruction by having affairs. They think the issues of an incompatible marriage entitle them to seek the pleasures and thrills of having a secret relationship. With time, they begin to believe it is the other man or woman in their lives who would have made their marriage successful.
While I do support the right to seek a partner who makes you happy, I believe this should be before marriage. If you are unlucky enough to get married to the wrong person, talk it out and end your relationship in a dignified manner. By having an affair, you are insulting the sanctity of marriage. There is no reason to hide your love. There is no reason to prolong your discomfort in a stale relationship either. But here comes the most important thing. We tend to decide too quickly about our partners. We do not give them enough time to settle in. We do not give ourselves enough time to understand our partner. A couple of disagreements and fights, and someone is too quick to decide that they are incompatible.
The Endgame
Once this thought enters the mind and starts playing games, couples who really have a chance to sort out their differences,
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