Do you feel as though your mother in law hates you, but you don't know why? You have probably tried everything to win her over, but she is just not budging and your husband will not back you up or defend you. That is the worst part when it comes to in-laws. The son doesn't have enough of a back bone to stand up to his parents. If you knew that you had your husband's support you would feel confident in defending yourself against her tirade of insults. But without his support how do you know he won't turn on you too. He may tell you that she's old and she's not going to change and to leave her alone. Just what you do not want to hear.
Deep down you know it's unacceptable, that her behavior is over the line and I'm guessing you suspect she knows it too and probably knows that she can get away with it. You just have to tell your hubby that you are not going to stand for it and you intend to defend yourself when she attacks. And also tell him if he does not like it then he can sleep somewhere else for a while; like the couch. After a few nights without your warm body to snuggle up to, he may come around.
Was it always like this? Was she nasty in the beginning when you first met her? Some mothers in law are nice when they first meet the serious girlfriend, but as the wedding draws nearer, she changes and becomes a monster. You may have seriously questioned getting married back then, or perhaps she was not as transparent as she is now. When women ask me about this problem, I generally advise them to run like hell if they are not married to the guy, especially if the future husband won't defend his future wife. When your husband is on your side, it makes this problem so much easier to deal with. It's heartbreaking when it seems as though he just does not get it.
In any case you are married now, and your mother in law does not get to treat you badly. Whether your husband is on your side or not, you need to take action. What your husband is not getting is that she is disrespecting her son and his marriage, by treating you the way she does. Your goal is to work at getting your husband to realize this, and at the same time maintain the boundaries with your mother in law. This may mean that you limit contact. In-fact if this woman is being nasty and rude to you, then it's in your best interests to limit how much you and your husband spend time with her. If there are grandchildren in the picture, then they don't need to be seeing the way their grandmother behaves. This may help her to see the bigger picture, especially if you are clear that she has been out of line and that is why she barely sees her grandchildren or you. You must not, under any circumstances forbid your husband from seeing her. She is still his mother and you need to respect that.
If and when he does spend time with his parents, if there is talk about you, especially nasty talk, then you make it clear to your husband that there is to be no coming back home and relating what happened over there. You don't need to hear the nasty stuff and he should not be bringing it back, he should be telling his mother to put a sock in it. However, give him time, some husbands take time to come around. If he is a mummy's boy, then perhaps never.
There may come a time when you need to make a decision on whether you can stay in a marriage where you are always the victim of nastiness from his mother. Some marriages don't make it. However, many do; so keep the faith.
Angie Rose Whitney is a Relationship and Self Help advisor. Angie has a Bachelor of Arts, majoring in Psychology, Mental Health, Counselling and Sociology. Whitney lives in Australia, in the nation's capital city; Canberra. Angie also writes freelance articles for many online sites and e-zines. She is also extremely passionate about Social Justice and Human Right's issues and is looking to become involved in helping people who have been treated unfairly and or victimized. She is also happy to give people advice via email. angierose19@gmail.com
You can contact Angie Rose Whitney at her website or at the email address above. http://angierose-self-help-guru.blogspot.com.au/
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