Coming up with a plan for how to get back together with your ex can be difficult work. You struggle with what you should say and what you should do until suddenly you come up with a brilliant idea. Even though you think that you're unique or that your plan makes perfect sense, all of us have come up with the same ideas at one point or another after a breakup. We all searched for that elusive key that will bring back the love that we lost.
Try not to get depressed if any of these plans are on your list of crafty tricks to get your ex back. Well come to the same conclusions when faced with trying to repair a broken relationship. It's better that you know what tactics will fail before you try them. While it might be normal to think that we know what we should do to fix things, understanding that you are going through an emotional stage is necessary. Understanding that what you are feeling is normal will help you to grow. All of this is an attempt to help you to get past this emotional point in your breakup and bring you to the stage where you will have an actual opportunity to make things right with your ex. See if any of these plans are something that you have thought of or actually tried in an attempt to get your ex back.
The most popular plan that most of us come up with in our mind after a breakup is the thought that we should talk to our ex. If we could only sit down and talk through all the problems in the relationship then everything would be find. If there is a problem then there is a solution, right? Talking through your problems is also what therapy is all about and this is what the professional suggest so this must be the way to reuniting with your ex.
This plan may not work out the way that you envision though. While your ex might agree to meet with you and talk with you, your motives are different. Your ex might agree to talk with you but only to give you closure or to further explain why they are done with the relationship. You, on the other hand, want to get back together. Until your ex has a desire to be with you, all the talking in the world is only wasted breath. Communication is important in a relationship but your ex has ended the relationship, at least the romantic portion of the relationship. Don't mistake your ex being kind or tolerating you in their life is an opportunity. You very well may find that they lose their patience and completely stop communicating with you.
Making changes in your life or promising to change the things that your ex complained about when they left you is another common solution that we all come up with. We feel that if our ex has given us reasons why they are leaving then we must simply change what they complained about and they will be happy with us again. We could all use some change in our life and we can see the logic behind why our ex left so we decide to take our ex's words to heart.
Again, while our ex might be proud of us for making some positive changes in our life, these changes aren't going to bring our ex back. Your ex lacks the emotional desire to be with us. As a matter of fact, if your ex did want to be with you they would come back even if you didn't make any changes in your life. There are many couples that get back together in spite of terrible circumstances and problems. It is passion, desire and attraction that brings them back together and not changes that one partner made in their life. Changing or promising to change will not bring about that passion and desire, sad to say.
Finally, you might come to the conclusion that if you were simply perfect then your ex wouldn't be able to help themselves and they would be moved to take you back. By simply being perfect in every way, you could charm the socks off of your ex and everybody would agree that you were the perfect match for them. You would write wonderful poetry or send them gifts as a way of apologizing for the past. You would show them how much you love them and your ex would be so moved by your display of devotion that you would break down that wall standing between the two of you and you'd live happily ever after.
Trying too hard and trying to be perfect is again perceived as being desperate and needy. Your ex loved you at one time because of who you were. They accepted you with all your imperfections and flaws. You don't have to be perfect for someone to love you. You simply have to be yourself. Save the grand displays of affection and devotion for the day when you know for sure that you have your ex back in your life. Save your money and avoid the heartache by holding onto those feelings and those clever ideas. There will be a day when your ex will appreciate your thoughtfulness and they will consider themselves lucky to have someone love them so much. Until your ex feels that love for you again, any attempt to force your love on them is going to be taken as an attempt to manipulate them.
If you have noticed, there is an underlying theme necessary for your success in getting back together with your ex. Your ex is only going to get back together with you once they feel a desire to do so. Once your ex feels love for you again, getting them back will be simple. It won't require any grand gestures on your part and you won't have to say a single word. Yes, there is still love in your ex's heart for you but pushing the issue or trying to convince your ex that their decision was wrong isn't going to nurture that love.
Only understanding and time will allow your ex to realize that they still love you. You are actually better off doing absolutely nothing than pursuing your ex at this point. Emotions and love are very fickle and they can change very quickly. Your ex might say that they don't love you anymore or they could even deny that they ever loved you but tomorrow they very well might feel differently. This is human nature and even the most logical person is subject to this emotional swing when it comes to love. Be patient and wait for your opportunity to arrive. Have your life in order and be strong as you wait for things to change before you consider doing anything to try to get your ex back.
Try not to get depressed if any of these plans are on your list of crafty tricks to get your ex back. Well come to the same conclusions when faced with trying to repair a broken relationship. It's better that you know what tactics will fail before you try them. While it might be normal to think that we know what we should do to fix things, understanding that you are going through an emotional stage is necessary. Understanding that what you are feeling is normal will help you to grow. All of this is an attempt to help you to get past this emotional point in your breakup and bring you to the stage where you will have an actual opportunity to make things right with your ex. See if any of these plans are something that you have thought of or actually tried in an attempt to get your ex back.
The most popular plan that most of us come up with in our mind after a breakup is the thought that we should talk to our ex. If we could only sit down and talk through all the problems in the relationship then everything would be find. If there is a problem then there is a solution, right? Talking through your problems is also what therapy is all about and this is what the professional suggest so this must be the way to reuniting with your ex.
This plan may not work out the way that you envision though. While your ex might agree to meet with you and talk with you, your motives are different. Your ex might agree to talk with you but only to give you closure or to further explain why they are done with the relationship. You, on the other hand, want to get back together. Until your ex has a desire to be with you, all the talking in the world is only wasted breath. Communication is important in a relationship but your ex has ended the relationship, at least the romantic portion of the relationship. Don't mistake your ex being kind or tolerating you in their life is an opportunity. You very well may find that they lose their patience and completely stop communicating with you.
Making changes in your life or promising to change the things that your ex complained about when they left you is another common solution that we all come up with. We feel that if our ex has given us reasons why they are leaving then we must simply change what they complained about and they will be happy with us again. We could all use some change in our life and we can see the logic behind why our ex left so we decide to take our ex's words to heart.
Again, while our ex might be proud of us for making some positive changes in our life, these changes aren't going to bring our ex back. Your ex lacks the emotional desire to be with us. As a matter of fact, if your ex did want to be with you they would come back even if you didn't make any changes in your life. There are many couples that get back together in spite of terrible circumstances and problems. It is passion, desire and attraction that brings them back together and not changes that one partner made in their life. Changing or promising to change will not bring about that passion and desire, sad to say.
Finally, you might come to the conclusion that if you were simply perfect then your ex wouldn't be able to help themselves and they would be moved to take you back. By simply being perfect in every way, you could charm the socks off of your ex and everybody would agree that you were the perfect match for them. You would write wonderful poetry or send them gifts as a way of apologizing for the past. You would show them how much you love them and your ex would be so moved by your display of devotion that you would break down that wall standing between the two of you and you'd live happily ever after.
Trying too hard and trying to be perfect is again perceived as being desperate and needy. Your ex loved you at one time because of who you were. They accepted you with all your imperfections and flaws. You don't have to be perfect for someone to love you. You simply have to be yourself. Save the grand displays of affection and devotion for the day when you know for sure that you have your ex back in your life. Save your money and avoid the heartache by holding onto those feelings and those clever ideas. There will be a day when your ex will appreciate your thoughtfulness and they will consider themselves lucky to have someone love them so much. Until your ex feels that love for you again, any attempt to force your love on them is going to be taken as an attempt to manipulate them.
If you have noticed, there is an underlying theme necessary for your success in getting back together with your ex. Your ex is only going to get back together with you once they feel a desire to do so. Once your ex feels love for you again, getting them back will be simple. It won't require any grand gestures on your part and you won't have to say a single word. Yes, there is still love in your ex's heart for you but pushing the issue or trying to convince your ex that their decision was wrong isn't going to nurture that love.
Only understanding and time will allow your ex to realize that they still love you. You are actually better off doing absolutely nothing than pursuing your ex at this point. Emotions and love are very fickle and they can change very quickly. Your ex might say that they don't love you anymore or they could even deny that they ever loved you but tomorrow they very well might feel differently. This is human nature and even the most logical person is subject to this emotional swing when it comes to love. Be patient and wait for your opportunity to arrive. Have your life in order and be strong as you wait for things to change before you consider doing anything to try to get your ex back.
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