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mardi 21 janvier 2014

The 3 Phases To Reclaiming The Relationship With Your Ex-Girlfriend Or Wife

By Alex Peters


The more you love your girlfriend or wife, the more difficult and emotional the breakup can be. The pain and anguish might be so powerful that you would probably prefer a physical wound rather than having to endure this kind of pain. At least if you were in physical pain you would have some idea of how the healing process was going or you would know that over time the pain would become less intense. With emotional pain, you are on a roller coaster and simple things like seeing your ex or being reminded of the past can bring on renewed emotional turmoil. With physical pain you might even be able to see the healing occurring but this is not so with emotional pain.

There really is no difference between a breakup with a woman that was your wife and a woman that was your girlfriend. Many people say that having your wife leave you is more painful but this would be like comparing losing an arm to losing a leg. Both of them hurt and in both cases it is necessary to deal with the pain and restore the lost limb or, in this case, the lost partner. The sooner you are able to deal with the loss and restore the connection, the better. This logical sort of thinking is what will help you to get your ex back as quickly as possible. We are going to talk about the same methods that the military uses to help soldiers deal with stress after battle. You will see that these proven techniques will help you to heal and move forward with your life and prepare you for the process of getting back together with your girlfriend or wife in the shortest time possible.

There is a process that men use when they come out of combat that is called debriefing. You will use this same process to remove the emotions from what happened in your relationship. You'll look at everything factually and without emotion. You should allow yourself a grieving process before this but try not to get too caught up in these feelings of pity, remorse or sadness. As you debrief yourself, you will recount what happened, what you did wrong in the relationship, what you did right and what your ex did all in a very factual manner. You will understand what you could have done differently but you will not dwell upon this or beat yourself up for any mistakes that you may have made. There is nothing that you can do about the past so you will simply be learning from your mistakes at this point.

Putting events of the past where they belong is important. Often we try to fix things by reliving the past. We mourn the loss and beat our self up wishing that we had done things differently. We can't go back. We can only go forward. There should be a certain freedom that you will feel once you decompress and debrief from what happened. There's nothing you can do about the past other than to make sure that you don't make the same mistakes again.

The next step involves get some rest and relaxation. Just like combat veterans who have seen battle, you need a little bit of time to blow off some steam and live life a little. You have seen your share of hell, you have put it behind you and now it's time to remember what life is all about. You have survived and you will get that second chance with the woman you love. Be happy about that and celebrate. Today is the first day of your new life and it's up to you to decide what direction you will head in. Begin by doing things that bring you joy or make you feel good about your life.

Avoid the temptation to go out and get drunk with your friends. This might be what your friends suggest but more often than not, alcohol will depress you and make you slide back into the mourning process. You will be tempted to contact your ex. Your mind will play tricks on you and you might be tempted to call your ex to let them know that you're doing well or that you still love them. Resist this temptation and put some distance between you and your girlfriend or wife. Go for a short trip or spend a weekend away from your home town. Find a place that is serene or which distracts you from everything that happened before, during and after your breakup. Getting away from the things that remind you about your ex is important right now.

When you are done relaxing it will be time to get to work on rebuilding your life and your self-esteem. Your confidence is critical and without it anything that you try to do to get your ex back will be tainted by doubt and weakness. Work on becoming strong emotionally and physically. Physical exercise can improve the look of your body and also improve your mood and confidence. Expand your mind and educate yourself on the psychology behind a woman's emotions. Understand how a woman falls in love, what she needs to feel to fall in love as well as how you can replicate these emotions in your ex when the time is right. Men are logical, for the most part, when it comes to relationships while women are driven by their emotions. They need to feel a certain way to fall in love and it is possible to make your ex feel these emotions and feel the need to love you again. It is logical and it's simple.

You might still be filled with fear or doubt right now but if you think this plan through you will understand that it will work. Removing the emotions as well as the blame for what happened and getting to work on yourself is the fastest way to get your girlfriend or wife back. Focus on what you can do instead of what you did in the past. It is a waste of your time and energy. The sooner you regain your confidence and self-esteem, the sooner you will be able to win her back. If you prolong this process and allow yourself to feel horrible for another month or so, you will be kicking yourself for wasting time. You have some work to do but the reward will be getting your ex back in the shortest time possible.




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